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Here is the best collection of funny status updates for your facebook profile
“Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!”
Funny facebook update, Homer J Simpson.
“When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car”
Funny facebook update,Unknown.
“I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.”
Funny facebook update,Zsa Zsa Gabor
“I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”
Funny facebook update,Rodney Dangerfield
“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,” Calvin.
“Isn’t your pants’ zipper supposed to be in the front?” Hobbes.
Funny facebook update,Calvin and Hobbes.
“Cheese… milk’s leap toward immortality.”
Funny facebook update, Clifton Fadiman.
“Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.”
Funny facebook update,John Peers.
“You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.”
- Funny facebook update, Pearl Williams.
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man….I could be eating a slow learner.”
Funny facebook update, Lyndon B. Johnson.
“He’s so optimistic he’d buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants.”
“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.”
-Bill Cosby
“I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.”
-George Bush
“Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.”
-Adam Marshall
“ My son is now an entrepreneur.Thats what you are called when you dont have a job.”
-Ted Turner
“If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t, either.”
-Dick Cavett
“Hey! You have a penny on your crotch”.”
-Exclaims Kelly
“A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn’t any Santa Claus, and he’s still upset.”
-James Gould Cozzens
“We are all either fools or undiscovered geniuses.”
-Bonnie Lin
“A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.”
-Albert Einstein
“ To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.”
-Paul Ehrlich
